My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
