K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
