you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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