We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
