I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
