Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
