Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
