No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
