my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Randomize
