You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
