I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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