Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
