I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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