How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
only you would photoshop your dick
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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