She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
