Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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