I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
