So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
