You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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