this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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