Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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