he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
