I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
