if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
