A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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