One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
