I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I understand Curling. That high.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
