you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
