the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
