I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
