P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
