Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
