Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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