theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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