my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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