I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
