somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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