Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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