come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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