PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
