Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
