Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
