I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
