he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
