If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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