so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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