maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
