That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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