i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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