if you like me you must not know who I am
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
