we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
