he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
